My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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