no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
These tits shall not be calmed
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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