Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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