youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
