I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
