oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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