Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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