my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
