I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize