I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize