My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
