He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
