My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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