Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
