The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
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