You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
