bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize