I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
