Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
