I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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