I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
