So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
