wat bout pragnant strippers??
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
