so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
