What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
