I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
