unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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