You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
