fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
