1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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