It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
