we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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