your parents love me but you hate me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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