if only i could text you this smell
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
