he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
