I like my sex mixed with concussions.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
