Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
