Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
