I bet he comes in French.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
40s are totally the cure
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My vagina is officially offended.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize