Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
