that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
