We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
