I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
