3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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