finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
