I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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