don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
