I wish my penis had an off switch
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
