Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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