You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
