i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
