if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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