I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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