the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
