I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
