Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize