May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
