She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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