just tell him i said nine months
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
