We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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