Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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