I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize