He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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