If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
