He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
