There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
