WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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