doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
