So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
