we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
