Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
