I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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