The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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