how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
