...so i touched it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
