No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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