my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
