Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
